the monster
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welcome to my sketchbook! or, journal, kind of? i'm not so good at drawing, so the sign up there is kind of a lie. but take a look around!
She opened her eyes.
Black. Not the calming shade of gentle eyelids folded down to rest, nor the harsh shadow of the last candle burnt out, but simply a neutral void. Cold but not freezing, gone but not longing. A painless pain detached from the emotion that incited it, the memory of its last clamoring howl.
Hands. Fingernails caked with dirt, digging into the back of her neck, the sensation already numbing with familiarity, an intimacy she knew then and not a moment too soon. Hair, brushed from her face by calloused fingertips, that she might see the forest with its warm hazels and amber autumn dapples and sunrise sky.
Earth. Reliable soil, always there to catch you when you fall, no matter from how high. Can't help but smother you in her grasp, bury you in love and dust and tears and blood and it's okay, I'll never leave.
Wind. Freeing, rushing, catch-me-if-you-can, let me sing my song of sense. Dancing through the air, one movement to give a million more wings. Feel it kiss her skin, blemished and scarred, but unbroken and I'll carry that for you, that lead looks heavy.
Fear. Who can say why? Don't look back, she'll see you standing there and think for a moment, just one, that it was her fault. Don't look back, you're wasting time, time like grains of sand on an endless beach on an infinite calm sea. The storm might sweep you away from her but it can't get you if you just take the dive so close your eyes and
She closed her eyes.
The customers will come and go You never seem to leave On autumn dawns, on winter evenings Or any time I come to see You waiting there, just walking past Displays of macarons and breads I stop, you stare, eyes lock, you’re there But I come in, you’ve always fled.
I pass you every night and morning I rarely stop to say hello You’re always waiting, window watching I pass the frame, you turn to go. A practiced smile, determined look Every day behind glass doors Your eyes are always halfway empty I wonder who you’re waiting for.
You’re prettier than me, I think Though we almost look the same Your hair is greener, my thoughts are darker You act more pleasant, I’m ashamed. You’re never shy about your staring, I’m still inclined to look away But I’m the only one you look straight at I’m sorry I have naught to say
You never seem to smile at me I guess I’ve never sent one I’m sorry I can’t make you laugh, I hope I held your attention. Do you remember me each day When I finally leave your view? I won’t blame you if you say you don’t Few people ever do.
Your store’s a detour from my path One that I’ve taken every time I’ve never had the best grip on myself I think you help me stay in line I don’t know why you’re always there I’m sure it’s not for me. You imitate my yearning look What do you hope to see?
Your gaze still scattered as my mind Fixated in another world The bakery window’ll shatter soon As reality unfurls When parallel lines do finally touch I’ll finally see you full and clearer Unobstructed by the glass On your side of the mirror.
hi, i'm raine! i'm glad you found me here. it's a bit hard for me to speak sometimes, but i'm trying to get better.
sorry that the website's a mess, this is my first time doing anything like this, but it's exciting nonetheless!
um, i should probably have more things to say about myself, but... well, i'm not that interesting. click around a bit, maybe you'll figure out more about me than i could tell you directly.
